HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABRIEL......
I can only imagine what you will be doing on the day you were suppose to be turning two. I bet your having a great birthday up there with Jesus and I bet he loves to tell you stories of the bible and how much your mommy and daddy miss you. I can't believe you would of be two already it just doesn't seem like that long ago that I was holding you and kissing you goodbye. The day I had you I knew what was going to happen and I had so many people praying for me. Two preachers came to me and prayed with me thoses men made me feel such at peace and that I knew you was going to be with God.
I knew you were going to pass away because there was nothing that could be done to save you, I know knew that God wanted you. You was so very special that he didn't want you to go through any type of pain from this world so he came and picked you up and took you home. I know this weekend will be hard because its your birthday weekend plus the day you had your funeral. I love you so much and I miss you everyday.
I just wanted to wish you happy birthday and that I will do everything in my power to be the mommy you want me to be, and I will see you again one day and you better give me tons of kisses.
Ps: Gideon and Noah send their hugs and Kisses.. Gideon says Happy Birthday bubby
I love you.....
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Forgiving them and Forgiving Myself
"What I have forgivin, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ- 2 corinthians 2:10
I have been doing my love dare book without Josh because I feel like I need it more than he does and also because he has been working alot. I have fallen out of love with josh and it was because I couldn't give up my sins and the love for a boyfriend who had passed away. So I told myself that I was going to get everything back that the devil took away. I was going to fix my marriage and I was going to get rid of everything that caused me to sin.
I have to say this dare book has made me see a new light and see my husband in a better way, The way God wants me to see him. I have always thought marriage was suppose to be some fairy tale and I would have a nice house, nice cars and money. But that isn't what marriage is suppose to be, Its suppose to be with someone through their flaws, through their sins, through everything and not expecting them to give you everything you want. I never knew how selfish I was until I thought about how I did my bible studies, I never would invite josh into doing them with me and that is so selfish because he deserves as much as me to learn about God.
Well today in my dare book was Love Forgives and it was taking about forgiving everyone who has hurt you or upset you. I was thinking about this for awhile and thought about everyone who made my less not easy, So here goes..
Donna: I forgive you for hurting me and for doing the things in life that I felt was taking away someone I love. I know people make mistakes and I hope you can find God so that maybe you can turn your life around cause even though I have spent my life hating you.. I don't anymore and you do alot for me by helping me with the kids and that means alot to me.. I forgive you
Mom: I now know why maybe you did the things you did and how maybe you felt back when you was younger, I know having a baby at 16 couldn't of been easy and I can't imagine letting it go was any better. I know you haven't been there as much as I have wanted you to be but I am glad to see God working in your life and no one can take away the place of my mother. I just wish we was closer and that you just didn't care what I look like or what I was wearing, Just that you cared about the me inside. I forgive you
Kevin- I guess I need to be in your shoes before I judge how You have treated me, I know I expected you to just jump up and be glad you had a sister, I just wish you wanted to be closer to me and that you loved me like I love you. I pray for you and no matter what you will always be my only brother, I forgive you
Sarina and Katie- I know we were such good friends and I may have not been the most perfect friend and I did alot to try and be just like you all so that maybe I would feel excepted but now I understand I didn't need to be excepted by you or anyone but Jesus and I am sorry for the mean things I said to you and I also forgive you for being so mean to me. I forgive you both
Me- I forgive myself for putting my body through un natural things and for thinking I have to be skinny for people to love me, I forgive myself for not thinking I was worthy of anyones love and for always taking less than I should, I forgive myself for not giving everything my best and for trying to be someone then me. I forgive all the sins and all the lies I have told and for the judgeing of others. I forgive me
It isn't easy to forgive people that have put you through so much pain in your life but Jesus forgives us and we should do the same. Jesus has fixed me for the better and he has allowed me to find who I am. I don't need anyones approval but his. I hope this blog makes you think about the people who have hurt you and maybe this will open your heart so that you can forgive those who have hurt you, God Bless Always
JeSuSRoCKS!!!!
I have been doing my love dare book without Josh because I feel like I need it more than he does and also because he has been working alot. I have fallen out of love with josh and it was because I couldn't give up my sins and the love for a boyfriend who had passed away. So I told myself that I was going to get everything back that the devil took away. I was going to fix my marriage and I was going to get rid of everything that caused me to sin.
I have to say this dare book has made me see a new light and see my husband in a better way, The way God wants me to see him. I have always thought marriage was suppose to be some fairy tale and I would have a nice house, nice cars and money. But that isn't what marriage is suppose to be, Its suppose to be with someone through their flaws, through their sins, through everything and not expecting them to give you everything you want. I never knew how selfish I was until I thought about how I did my bible studies, I never would invite josh into doing them with me and that is so selfish because he deserves as much as me to learn about God.
Well today in my dare book was Love Forgives and it was taking about forgiving everyone who has hurt you or upset you. I was thinking about this for awhile and thought about everyone who made my less not easy, So here goes..
Donna: I forgive you for hurting me and for doing the things in life that I felt was taking away someone I love. I know people make mistakes and I hope you can find God so that maybe you can turn your life around cause even though I have spent my life hating you.. I don't anymore and you do alot for me by helping me with the kids and that means alot to me.. I forgive you
Mom: I now know why maybe you did the things you did and how maybe you felt back when you was younger, I know having a baby at 16 couldn't of been easy and I can't imagine letting it go was any better. I know you haven't been there as much as I have wanted you to be but I am glad to see God working in your life and no one can take away the place of my mother. I just wish we was closer and that you just didn't care what I look like or what I was wearing, Just that you cared about the me inside. I forgive you
Kevin- I guess I need to be in your shoes before I judge how You have treated me, I know I expected you to just jump up and be glad you had a sister, I just wish you wanted to be closer to me and that you loved me like I love you. I pray for you and no matter what you will always be my only brother, I forgive you
Sarina and Katie- I know we were such good friends and I may have not been the most perfect friend and I did alot to try and be just like you all so that maybe I would feel excepted but now I understand I didn't need to be excepted by you or anyone but Jesus and I am sorry for the mean things I said to you and I also forgive you for being so mean to me. I forgive you both
Me- I forgive myself for putting my body through un natural things and for thinking I have to be skinny for people to love me, I forgive myself for not thinking I was worthy of anyones love and for always taking less than I should, I forgive myself for not giving everything my best and for trying to be someone then me. I forgive all the sins and all the lies I have told and for the judgeing of others. I forgive me
It isn't easy to forgive people that have put you through so much pain in your life but Jesus forgives us and we should do the same. Jesus has fixed me for the better and he has allowed me to find who I am. I don't need anyones approval but his. I hope this blog makes you think about the people who have hurt you and maybe this will open your heart so that you can forgive those who have hurt you, God Bless Always
JeSuSRoCKS!!!!
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