Birthday for an Angel

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABRIEL......





I can only imagine what you will be doing on the day you were suppose to be turning two. I bet your having a great birthday up there with Jesus and I bet he loves to tell you stories of the bible and how much your mommy and daddy miss you. I can't believe you would of be two already it just doesn't seem like that long ago that I was holding you and kissing you goodbye. The day I had you I knew what was going to happen and I had so many people praying for me. Two preachers came to me and prayed with me thoses men made me feel such at peace and that I knew you was going to be with God.

I knew you were going to pass away because there was nothing that could be done to save you, I know knew that God wanted you. You was so very special that he didn't want you to go through any type of pain from this world so he came and picked you up and took you home. I know this weekend will be hard because its your birthday weekend plus the day you had your funeral. I love you so much and I miss you everyday.

I just wanted to wish you happy birthday and that I will do everything in my power to be the mommy you want me to be, and I will see you again one day and you better give me tons of kisses.


Ps: Gideon and Noah send their hugs and Kisses.. Gideon says Happy Birthday bubby

I love you.....
Love,
Mommy

Forgiving them and Forgiving Myself

"What I have forgivin, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ- 2 corinthians 2:10

I have been doing my love dare book without Josh because I feel like I need it more than he does and also because he has been working alot. I have fallen out of love with josh and it was because I couldn't give up my sins and the love for a boyfriend who had passed away. So I told myself that I was going to get everything back that the devil took away. I was going to fix my marriage and I was going to get rid of everything that caused me to sin.

I have to say this dare book has made me see a new light and see my husband in a better way, The way God wants me to see him. I have always thought marriage was suppose to be some fairy tale and I would have a nice house, nice cars and money. But that isn't what marriage is suppose to be, Its suppose to be with someone through their flaws, through their sins, through everything and not expecting them to give you everything you want. I never knew how selfish I was until I thought about how I did my bible studies, I never would invite josh into doing them with me and that is so selfish because he deserves as much as me to learn about God.

Well today in my dare book was Love Forgives and it was taking about forgiving everyone who has hurt you or upset you. I was thinking about this for awhile and thought about everyone who made my less not easy, So here goes..


Donna: I forgive you for hurting me and for doing the things in life that I felt was taking away someone I love. I know people make mistakes and I hope you can find God so that maybe you can turn your life around cause even though I have spent my life hating you.. I don't anymore and you do alot for me by helping me with the kids and that means alot to me.. I forgive you

Mom: I now know why maybe you did the things you did and how maybe you felt back when you was younger, I know having a baby at 16 couldn't of been easy and I can't imagine letting it go was any better. I know you haven't been there as much as I have wanted you to be but I am glad to see God working in your life and no one can take away the place of my mother. I just wish we was closer and that you just didn't care what I look like or what I was wearing, Just that you cared about the me inside. I forgive you

Kevin- I guess I need to be in your shoes before I judge how You have treated me, I know I expected you to just jump up and be glad you had a sister, I just wish you wanted to be closer to me and that you loved me like I love you. I pray for you and no matter what you will always be my only brother, I forgive you


Sarina and Katie- I know we were such good friends and I may have not been the most perfect friend and I did alot to try and be just like you all so that maybe I would feel excepted but now I understand I didn't need to be excepted by you or anyone but Jesus and I am sorry for the mean things I said to you and I also forgive you for being so mean to me. I forgive you both



Me- I forgive myself for putting my body through un natural things and for thinking I have to be skinny for people to love me, I forgive myself for not thinking I was worthy of anyones love and for always taking less than I should, I forgive myself for not giving everything my best and for trying to be someone then me. I forgive all the sins and all the lies I have told and for the judgeing of others. I forgive me


It isn't easy to forgive people that have put you through so much pain in your life but Jesus forgives us and we should do the same. Jesus has fixed me for the better and he has allowed me to find who I am. I don't need anyones approval but his. I hope this blog makes you think about the people who have hurt you and maybe this will open your heart so that you can forgive those who have hurt you, God Bless Always

JeSuSRoCKS!!!!

My Love Letter to GOD!!

You know everything about me... you know How many hairs are on my head and how many times I have cried, You are there in times of need and in times of happiness. I don't always feel you there but I know you are because you promised us this. As I look back on the life you gave me, The parents you blessed me with and my family now. I am so thankful and you have gave me the best gift, You gave me JESUS. All my sins are casted away and you know how many I had and you know I was stupid back there for doing them and not wanting to be different like you made me to be.

I have always felt like I wasn't suppose to be like everyone but be like myself and I have such a hard problem doing this. Help me become what you want me to be. My kids are my world and I know you know this, Thank you for letting me have the gift of family I know alot of people can't have kids and I thank you for letting me be one that could ,I came real close to not being able to though.



I don't always give you the praise you deserve to have and I know I can always do better. I thank you for being there for me when gabriel passed away I feel so bad for that because I had to abort him, not for my own reason but my water had broke and I had a 80% chance of getting a deadly infection and I know you know all of this but sometimes I just need to let it out. Sometimes I think what if I just would of kept him in me and went on not worrying about getting the infection?? although I think It would of killed me and I couldn't leave gideon without a mom. Plus you gave me Noah which I love soo much and I know gabriel would of loved him to. I went to his grave yesterday and even though I know hes not there it still kinda hurts.

Thank you for giving me a good husband, Josh is great and I love him tons but for some reason I am cold to him. Nothing hurts me when it comes to him and I don't understand why?? I just feel like I live with him and not married to him. He does everything for me and sometimes I feel bad cause I do take advantage of that. I just wish we could have a better realtionship. I know my past relationships have messed my head all up and John hurt me so bad with him passing away and the lies I was told. When I get something good I just can't see it.

I remember when I was always a happy person and excited about things, I never really get excited about anything anymore I should be excited about everything. I just pray that you lead me in the right path because I want you to be proud of me. I love you God!!

Ninth body found at site of Santa-suit killings

COVINA, Calif. – A ninth body was found Friday morning at the charred site of a Christmas Eve massacre where a recently divorced man dressed as Santa shot indiscriminately at partygoers and destroyed his former in-laws' house with a homemade device that sprayed flammable liquid.

I saw this as I was going through yahoo today.. This man had killed a nine year old girl who answerd the door... A nine year old Girl????? That is crazy I swear the people in this world are sick and he was dressed like santa so how morbid is that. Santa comming to the door with a gun not presents but a gun. I am praying for that family I could never imagine anyone doing this. He killed nine people and burnt their house down I am guessing because his wife wanted a divorce.. So what go find some other women there are plenty of fish in the sea. It just drives me crazy that alot of these people were over there because the wife or the x-in laws were having a christmas party. Alot of the people that knew this man said he had never acted like he was even capable of this. Well ATTENTION everyone is capable of this.. Its just us sane ones that know from right and wrong.. we don't go and kill people just because they hurt us.. Heck if we all did that half of the population would be gone. I feel so sorry for the families that he took away and right before christmas.

Christmas FUN!!!

I had such a great christmas and got all kinds of really nice stuff but nothing will ever compare to the present josh and my grandma went together on. Since I was about six I have always wanted my grandmas wedding ring that my papa( who passed away before I was born) had gave her. She would always tell me that I couldnt have that ring til I was 25 or when she passed. When I got married at 18 I wanted to get married with that ring but still she wanted to keep it til I was older. I guess a good thing because I am not sure if back then I would of taken good care of it.

Christmas Night I had opened all my presents and everyone kept looking at me and so I knew something was up (lol) well my mama and josh hand me this box and I couldn't even think what would be in it. Maybe josh and her got me some earings or maybe it was a phone. I had No clue and so I opened it and there it was.... the ring I have wanted my whole life all shiney and beautiful. I felt so proud to wear it. This present meant so much to me and I could never repay how I felt with that ring on my finger. To actually have a piece of my papa and mama together in my life was the best present. I just wish he would have seen me get this which I am sure he did but in real life. I sure would of loved to meet him but I am sure someday I will.

Gideon got tons of presents and he was so happy to get some wall-e clothes... santa did a really good job I actually have a LAPTOP now :) and I loooove it !! Its painted dallas cowboys colors and its one of a kind :) like me. I thank god everday for my family, sometimes we fight and I can't stand them but I wouldn't trade any of them. well... Just kidding. God has really Blessed me :)

Is meat really Meat???

Organic:Raised or conducted without the use of drugs, hormones, or synthetic chemicals

You should think that our food should already be without the use of drugs or hormones. I really had no clue what they put in our foods I wonder if anyone has ever done any testing on what the drugs and hormones do to our body. I know certain things our body rejects like sometimes if we get our ears pirced or maybe have to get a new organ. So why would they put something in our food that our body may reject.

I hear the people in the goverment complaining about how american is overweight but why do they make the fatty food so cheap and the Good for you food so expensive. Is the rich people the only people that should be able to enjoy life drug and hormone free?? why can't they just make a law that all our food become organic. Maybe if they did we wouldn't have to worry about all the cases of e-coli that pop up or all the people who get food posion.

Now they are talking about feeding us cloned cow meat and milk...Gross just the sound of that makes me sick. Does this mean there are going to be even more chemicals in our meat??

I care about what goes into my body and my kids bodies I used to think all these organic people where just a bunch of health freaks and lets save the animals but truthfully they have been right all along we are the stupid ones for letting the FDA get by with this crap.

No more chemicals for me.

For Dad....

I know I can't go out and buy you what I would love to buy you, I can't put a price on what you mean to me and I can't give back to what you have always given me which is my life and the life I had may have not always been great at times but no matter how bad things ever got for me you were always there. I am glad to have you as a dad you have always done things for me like you stopping smoking because I wanted you to and when ever I have been in trouble you have always pulled me out of it. I enjoy every minute spent with you and I know one day you won't be around and I am not sure how I will deal with that. You are my best friend I can tell you everything no matter what it is. Alot of people don't have a relationship with their parents like I do with you and I am glad I do have that.

I love you dad and you mean the world to me I thank god for you everyday and Just want you to know how much you really mean to me.. Love ya always

Pooter