I have a awesome life, A great family, a love for jesus, everything I could really ever want... except one part of my heart is missing, My son who I never got to actually know, I held him for a very short time but Never got to see his eyes. Its hard for me to talk about him without crying my eyes out the pain I have is so very real no matter how I try and hide it. It always comes back at times when I see gideon playing and when I go out it always seems I am looking for someone that I can never find.
As mothers we are suppose to protect our kids and I can't protect gabriel and if anything tears my inside up its that. I have no record of him even being alive... I have a make-shift birth certificate but not a real one. I dont even have proof that he passed away except the papers from the funeral home. During my labor with Gabriel I acted happy and played around but inside I was messed up, I just didn't want everyone to see how bad off I really was. I know this pain will never go away no matter what. Gideon and Noah mean so much to me and God has gave me such a good life but My heart is forever broken. Where ever you are Gabriel... Know I love you more than I have ever loved in my life and I am so proud of you.. You are perfect, Your feet never touched this world, Your not a sinner.. You are a angel and I always dream of you as mine, that may not be but I do hope your someones.. I will forever be waiting to have my heart as a whole. I love you
1 comment:
That was sweet Mandy. I know you miss him and you have two great sons and a Dad whose world revolves around you. You will see Gabriel again. Jesus promised that.
Love you
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